Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Initial Wisecracks

Initial Wisecracks

"If names are not correct, language will not be in accordance with the truth of things."
— Confucius

Throughout my life, my name has been one of confusion, disarranging, befuddlement, amusement, bemusement, companionship, ridicule, familiarity, and improper 'shortening'.

When I was a child, my family called me Buddy. It became apparent to me later that this was because I was my father's little Buddy. Moreover, I didn't like the name Donnie at the time. None of the other kids in my classrooms ever had the same name as me. Additionally, if our teacher decided to call on us in alphabetical order, my last name was Todd. As most things, this was a big deal in a child's mind, although, I didn't lose any sleep over it.

Simultaneously, The Donnie & Marie show was popular, and I was consistently asked where Marie was. Again, not a big deal, and when someone makes that reference now, I am quick to point out they are showing their age.

Unsurprisingly, when I was an early teen, the insults began to arrive. Donnie Wayne Toad was a popular one to say the least. Again, this is not something that would bother me in adulthood, but a boy going through puberty can have a bit of a time with the jabs. Unfortunately for my first girlfriend, this nomenclature stuck around a bit in high school. Since she was dating me, she was known as Toady to some.

However, during this time, my high school cross country coach began to refer to me as DTJ. It was a reference to the fact that I was Donnie Todd, Junior, and was proudly accepted by me. Once in college, the movie Donnie Darko came out, and of course it was mentioned extensively. I refused to watch the movie until this year, since I was so tired of the whole thing. Its not insulting, but tiresome.

Of course, the movie Donnie Brasco had the same effect. So much as, I learned that a bartender that served me on a regular basis thought my name was Brad Sco. That's right. Finally, in The Big Lebowski, John Goodman's character, Walter repeatedly suggests to Steve Buchemi's character, "Shut the Fuck up, Donnie", or "Donnie, you're out of your element!"

Then, working in the bar, and restaurant business, my initials were fair game, and made for quite a few laughs. DWT = Doesn't Wash Testicles, Drinks Wild Turkey, Donnie Wu Tang, and even DWTeabag. Some get the joke behind DWTeabag, some don't. It is both foul, and hilarious, in my opinion.

All of this comes to mind, since my name has been used with greater importance due to my hospital stays. These include, my initial 2 days when I was in a coma. My first identifying wrist band said that my name was Donald. At times, people assume that this is short for Donnie. This is not the case, not to mention, Donald has six letters, and Donnie has six. So, I don't get it.

One of my current gripes is the results Google provides when entering my full name. Usually, the fourth choice is a mug shot. It is dumb luck that the fellow's name is Donald Wayne Todd, and he was arrested for alcoholic mishaps. Since, almost all of my series are related to granddad's old cough medicine, this is to be expected.

Finally, this week I received a notice from an unknown company addressed to Donnie Wayne Todd, Sr. He has been deceased for nearly eight years. The notice was related to the water supply on my property. I don't own any property.

All of these are petty annoyances, but get under my skin, nonetheless.

Yet, I do have this. In English, Todd refers to a fox. Sly, clever, and sneaky.

No comments:

Post a Comment